Lighthouse Thoughts

Adoptees and Intrusive Questions

A continued frustration of many adoptees is how often they are asked intrusive questions. A person who was not adopted has limited understanding how difficult these questions can. Questions may be related to the adoptive parents or the adoptees personal adoption story. Adopted children may not be prepared to share and unsure how to answer. In addition, this line of inquiry may open new doors that they are not ready for. Adoptees may receive commentary directed towards them, anytime adoption is in the news, current events, in the movies or TV shows. Children and teens often feel put on the spot.

Frequently asked questions include:

  • Where is your real mom?  Why did she give you up?
  • Why didn’t your parents want you?
  • Why were you adopted?
  • Is that your real brother, sister, etc .
  • Why don’t you look like your parents?
  • Where are you from? Do you speak the language, why do you sound white, etc. ?

The Center for Adoption Support and Education W.I.S.E. UP! program teaches techniques for helping kids that they have 4 choices when faced with difficult adoption questions:

W:   Walk away or choose not to pay attention
I:    It’s private: I can choose not to share information
S:   Share some information about adoption or my story
E:   Educate others about adoption in general, by telling them correct information and helping them to understand it

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