Lighthouse Thoughts

Being Chosen by a Birthmother

A question that many adoption parents ask, is “how do birth mothers decide what family to choose to adopt their baby.” Some birth parents may have specific criteria in mind for their child. Others may choose a family based on something random that triggers an emotional response or they simply follow their instinct.

Birthparents who have specific criteria in mind may want a family of specific religious denomination. They may want a Catholic or Baptist family, while others may want a family with no religious affiliation. Some birthparents may want their child to be placed with a childless couple, while others may want a large family for their child.

The race of adoptive parents or their family members may also play a role in the matching process. Some birthparents may want to place there child with two Caucasian parents while others may look for a multiracial family, or a family that has other multi-racial children, adopted children, or extended family members.

The average age of adoptive parents is in the 30-45 year age range. Adoptive parents outside of that age range may be on the longer side of the average wait time to matched. Factors that also come into play is how fit and active an family is. When there is an age difference between spouses, usually the wife is the younger spouse, and one parent being outside of the average age does not usually impact birthparents choice.

Sometimes birthparents select a family due to an emotional trigger. For example, an adoptive family may have a dog like the birthmother had or always wanted, or their home may look like their grandmother’s house. When it comes to how birthparents decide which family to choose, there is no magic formula to being chosen. At Beacon House we assist our adoptive families in completing their adoption profile books, so that our Birthparents can find a family that is right for them.

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