Lighthouse Thoughts

Adoption after Infertility

For families who have experienced infertility, moving from infertility to adoption can be a difficult journey.  As difficult as infertility can be, it’s important to note that adoption isn’t always easy either. Sometimes it’s hard. Moving from one to another without taking the time to prepare emotionally and financially can make the process seem more difficult than it actually is.  Small setbacks can feel insurmountable. It’s hard to be positive if it’s still hard to get out of the bed in the morning.  In order to move forward, it is necessary that you resolve these prerequisites to adoption:

  1. Come to terms with your loss. If you have undergone fertility treatments, most likely you have envisioned what your child/children would look like and imagined what your life would be like. Adoption requires that you adjust your expectations and make it is necessary to grieve the loss of a biological child before moving forward with and adoption.

Additionally, unsuccessful fertility treatments can be emotionally devastating. Anxiety and depression sometimes go hand in hand with fertility issues. If you experience any of these symptoms, then you may find it beneficial to work with a grief counselor.

  1. Explore your reasons for adoption. Adoption is for couples who have a strong desire to be parents, want to share their life with a child, and can love that child unconditionally. Don’t adopt because you think you have to or because you want to “save” a child.  Not all infertile couples choose adoption and that’s okay too.
  2. Be prepared. Previously we mentioned the need to be prepared financially and emotionally.  It is important note that the paper chase, the home study process, and others steps to adoption can be overwhelming and physically draining at times. Additionally, you have to be prepared for waiting to be matched, potentially not being chosen by a birthparent, an adoption disruption, or financial constraints. The possibility also exist that your adoption could happen fairly quickly. In adoption, you have to be prepared for any possible outcome- until you achieve your desired outcome.

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