Lighthouse Thoughts

Where did she get that pretty blonde hair?

With my husband and I both brunettes, I frequently was asked where my kids got their blonde hair from. My answers varied from “most of the women on my mom’s side of the family were blonde” to “my brothers hair was just like that when he was little” and to the crabby answer of “just lucky I guess”. I once had a mom tell me that my son looked just like me-auhh- no. My daughter maybe, but not my son. I started laughing, he’s blonde with blue eyes- me: auburn and brown.

“Where did you get those dimples?”
Adoptees in families formed through same race adoption weigh in on answering questions about physical dissimilarities.

A Mother Asks Adoptive Families Adult Adoptee Panel:
My 5-year-old son has blond hair and a much fairer complexion than either my husband or I. We routinely hear questions or comments, such as “Where did he get that blond hair?” and “He sure doesn’t look like you (or your husband).” (On the other hand, to our great surprise, someone will occasionally tell one of us that our son looks just like us!) Although these questions and comments are not new, our son just started asking about adoption and is listening more intently to our answers. We wonder whether openly acknowledging his adoption to those who ask is likely to affect his self-esteem. Could you comment on how you felt as a child when you heard such questions, how your parents responded, and how you felt about their responses?

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